An introduction to mentalizing through the work of Peter Fonagy and Anna Freud.
Much of our daily life involves trying to understand what is happening in another person's mind.
We interpret expressions, notice changes in tone, and make assumptions about what someone might be thinking or feeling. We also try to make sense of our own reactions, sometimes with greater clarity than others.
This process is known as mentalizing.
Mentalizing is central to Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), a form of psychotherapy that explores how we understand ourselves, other people, and the relationships between us.
For those interested in learning more, Anna Freud offers an excellent video introduction featuring Peter Fonagy, one of the developers of MBT.
Watch: Peter Fonagy Explains Mentalizing
Peter Fonagy: What Is Mentalization?
In this educational interview, Fonagy introduces mentalizing as the process of attending to thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intentions when trying to understand human behavior.
Video courtesy of Anna Freud.
Understanding What We Cannot See
One of the most important ideas behind mentalizing is that our internal experiences are not directly visible to other people.
We can observe someone's actions, but we cannot know their thoughts or intentions with certainty.
Imagine sending a message to someone and receiving no reply.
You might assume they are upset with you. Perhaps you feel anxious, rejected, or frustrated. Yet their silence could have several explanations.
Mentalizing allows us to recognize the difference between what we know, what we feel, and what we are assuming.
It invites a simple but important question:
What else might be happening?
Why Mentalizing Matters in Relationships
Our ability to mentalize helps us recognize that two people can experience the same situation very differently.
A comment intended as harmless might feel critical to another person. A moment of withdrawal might reflect sadness, exhaustion, or uncertainty rather than rejection.
Recognizing these possibilities does not mean disregarding our own feelings.
It means remaining curious about the emotional experiences underlying an interaction, including our own.
This can create space for greater understanding, particularly during disagreements or periods of stress.
When Emotion Makes Reflection Difficult
Mentalizing is not something we do equally well at every moment.
When emotions become intense, especially in important relationships, our ability to reflect may become less flexible.
We may begin treating assumptions as facts, reacting quickly, or struggling to consider another person's perspective.
These experiences are part of what Mentalization-Based Treatment seeks to address.
Rather than immediately deciding what a reaction means, MBT encourages individuals to explore the emotional and relational experiences surrounding it.
Mentalization-Based Treatment: Curiosity as a Clinical Approach
Developed by Peter Fonagy and Anthony Bateman, MBT was originally designed to treat borderline personality disorder and has subsequently informed approaches in other clinical and developmental settings.
At its core, MBT works to strengthen the capacity to understand mental states, particularly when emotional intensity disrupts that understanding.
The therapeutic relationship provides opportunities to examine misunderstandings, reflect on emotions, and consider different perspectives.
An important principle is recognizing that neither therapist nor patient can know another person's internal experience with complete certainty.
Understanding develops collaboratively.
Bringing Curiosity Into Everyday Life
You do not need to be in therapy to recognize the value of asking more reflective questions.
Consider what might change if, during a difficult interaction, you asked yourself:
What am I feeling, and what might be contributing to that feeling?
What do I actually know about this situation?
Am I making assumptions about another person's intentions?
Could there be another way of understanding what happened?
These questions do not guarantee agreement or eliminate emotional discomfort.
They create an opportunity to respond with greater awareness rather than relying entirely on our initial interpretations.
At The Mentalizing Collaborative, this emphasis on curiosity informs the approach to understanding emotional experiences, relationships, and mental health.
Sometimes understanding begins with recognizing what we do not yet know.
Continue Exploring
Learn more about Mentalization-Based Treatment, explore Erica's approach to psychotherapy, or visit the Anna Freud YouTube channel for additional educational videos.
Video and educational resource: Anna Freud, Peter Fonagy, Anna Freud Centre Chief Executive: What Is Mentalization? (March 11, 2015).
This article is an original educational overview informed by Anna Freud's published resources. It is not affiliated with or endorsed by Anna Freud.
